But as usual, there are strings attached. While the shaving is asensual experience that invites deep feelings of arousal, with Ellen,there are always issues of control or denial. The way Ellen sees it,I'm a girl now even though that's not really the case. Yes, myappearance is feminine, my mode of dress, my skin, my hair and so on.Through diet I've become slender, and through shapewear I have asomewhat defined waist. I have been taking propecia, which is doingwonders for my hair, but is also an androgen blocker. I've also beentaking herbal supplements for breast development which may be placebos,but I do have some results to show for it. Small results, but resultsnonetheless.Still, I was born male and maintain certain male libidinal desires. Inorder for our relationship to work, these desires must be controlled anddenied, indeed, it is the essence of our relationship. In her wisdom,Ellen came up with an ingenious way to suppress my masculinity duringshaving.One lazy weekend. Numerous black ink spade stamps were strategically placed all over her body and face, and they were a blatant show of disrespect for me by the young black. It was a humiliating and demoralizing reality and I feared hearing what her explanation might be when she finally woke up.As I walked back into the kitchen still holding Julie's cell phone in my hands I looked down to it's screen. Her cell had been returned by Tra'mon and she had "left it in his car" by his own comments. The worst thoughts crossed my mind as I examined Julie's cell phone closer.The cell phone screen was turned to the many text messages I had sent Julie the night before as I groveled and pleaded for her to come home. In these texts, I also complained about her being at "The Black Jacques Club" and getting those black inked spade stamps. Initially, I wondered if the young black stud had actually seen Julie's phone last night. I reasoned that "he had to" see it, and perhaps this was the reason he had all those.
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