. for a while.Looking back there are so many 'should haves' and 'what ifs': I should have gone on the pill, I should have insisted on him using a condom, what if I'd had the courage to end the relationship, what if I hadn't got pregnant...In the end my pregnancy miscarried at five months, which was four months after Jason had last said a civil word to me. I was such a mess at that point, a weird mixture of deep sadness at the loss of the baby mixed with relief that the possibility of a motherhood for which I was completely unready had gone. It was no real surprise that the miscarriage, along with the pregnancy and the rest of the turmoil, all conspired to wreck my A Level results: I managed a C in Maths, an E in English and failed History. These were nothing like the results I needed so there was to be no university for me unless I redid the year and somehow I couldn't face that. Even more sickening was that Jason had managed straight A's; there really was no justice.And so, f******n. One in her fanny, one in her bum.’ I explained watching Max’s face go red as she realised what I meant.‘Oh my!’ Max said, ‘Oh God! That sounds intense. Who does her bum? Or do you take it in turns? I take it she enjoys it?’‘We take it in turns and she loves it.’ I laughed.‘Wow!’ Max said.‘I’m guessing you’ve never had anal sex?’ I said.‘No, never. I’ve never had a boyfriend who’s asked to do it either. I mean, I know some people do it; my best friend once moaned about her boyfriend taking her up the bum by mistake once, but I didn’t know women actually enjoyed it.’ Max said in a rush.‘You have led a sheltered life!’ I smiled, ‘You’re going to explode if I tell you the rest.’‘There’s more than that?’ Max cried.‘Steve is bisexual.’ I hinted.‘You’ve not!’ Max started.‘Joanne dared me to shag Steve once when she had her period.’ I said, ‘So I did. Then I let him shag me.’‘But you’re straight!’ Max protested without thought, ‘You said you were, when Brian asked.’‘Well I am. I don’t.
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