When we got back to my flat I started preparing the meal. Carol unpacked her shopping and then rejoined me as I got to work on the veg.“You clearly know what you are doing?” Carol asked.“Well it is a favourite dish, and I like to get everything ready so that it is not a rush,” I replied.Carol watched as I peeled potatoes, chopped carrots and prepared green beans. As I worked we chatted and it brought home to me how miserable the last few years of my marriage had been.“It is so nice to be chat while I cook.” I said, “I used to prepare food and cook nice dinners and she wouldn’t even turn up, it was depressing and insulting.”“What she was out?” Carol asked.“No, not usually just sitting on the sofa glued to her phone, scowling or logged onto munternet on her laptop.” The sadness in my voice was impossible to hide.“Munternet, that’s funny but cruel.” “She became horrible, just sour, angry and resentful.” I continued.Carol came around to my side of the counter put her arms around me and. The belief that we have control is an illusion.As opportunities come and go, each brings with it the risk of terminating a loving relationship. The fear that arises from knowing that a loving relationship is at risk at all times is tremendous. Jealousy and control are expressions of inept attempts to reduce that risk, yet they only increase the risk by throwing the debt of love in the face of the other. Love becomes obligation and obligation kills love.“Compromise!” shouts someone from the sidelines. Yet how do you compromise when the choice is an either/or? The choice may be to move across the country for a dream job for one member of the relationship or to stay where family surrounds the other member in loving support. It isn’t possible to move the job to where you already live or move everyone to where the job exists. To leave one spouse behind to live with their family while the other moves to follow the job is a short-term solution that in the long-term can kill the.
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