We went to wait for dinner in Julie's room. I had never been in a girlsroom that wasn't my sister. It was more girly than I thought it would befrom Julie's tomboy appearance, and I guess I let that idea slip out."Yes," she said with a sign, "mom would like me to dress like her all thetime, with dresses and heels, but I like to dress this way more. I dosome feminine things to make her happy, like the nail polish andlipstick. But that's about it so far."After some conversation about why we had moved here, she asked bluntly,"Why do you like being tied up?" Why do you?" I shot back."I like the challenge of getting away, which I can almost always do. ButYOU like being tied up, don't you? It's okay if you do." I don't know. I just always have." This was so true. I never knew wherethis desire came from. I knew it had started when I saw an image in ateen magazine of my sister's. The photo was of a babysitter who had tiedup her young charge so she could watch TV undisturbed. I was. " I agree," I said, "And he has the respect not only of our workers but also many of the local people too. It is strange he never married after his wife left him for another man." Oh it's not so strange," my mother said. "He was badly hurt and even after ten years he still has difficulty trusting any woman."That doesn't seem to apply to you, he respects and works closely with you all the time and is obviously fond of you." Yes he is and yes he cares for me but he is always formal in his discussions with me. That is his way of keeping his distance now that I am a window. It is his way of reminding himself that I am out of his league. I don't consider that he is right in thinking that way, but I respect it." Have you ever thought it might be more of a defensive reaction?" I asked her. "It might be that he cares for you more than you think and it could be his way of trying to avoid expressing that concern in ways that he might deem inappropriate. That would be especially true considering.
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