Yet she speaks as if she’s the most conservatively dressed tv host we’ve ever seen.“Hello, and welcome to the final episode of this somewhat disjointed series of ëThe United Kingdom of Zoo’. Over the last 20 shows we’ve broken travel bans and flaunted social distancing laws in a wild and irresponsible manner, because your pleasure and our guest’s fantasies is more important than any mere pandemic!”We move into close-up her once pretty face now looking more like a Japanese latex sex-doll than a human. “Yes As sure as I love a big fat doggy dick, this virus will never defeat us Here in the United Kingdom of Zoo we’re made of tougher stuff!”Behind her we see a middle-aged woman wearing a sensible pair of trousers and a big coat, as well as a face-mask, entering the women’s institute half turning her blonde haired head toward the camera, just letting us know that she’s aware what’s going on.We cut to the inside of the building, white walls and brown parquet wooden flooring a small hall,. Actually none of that is the beginning, but I suppose it sets the scene, well at least you know who you're talking to. The real beginning was...I glanced at Toto as Beryl Higgins began the opening bars on the village hall piano, sadly in need of tuning, but then so are some of the ladies voices and it doesn't seem to make much difference. Toto caught my glance and smiled as if to say' here we go again, and with that I led the ladies into what has become the anthem of the Womens Institute..."And did those feet, in ancient time..." and so on for the umpteenth time.I've been chair of the local branch of the Women's Institute it seems almost for ever, so it falls to me to lead the singing. My son Giles insists on calling it the Women's Institution which isn't very nice, if occasionally quite accurate, and when I threatened to castrate him if he didn't stop he just laughed and said you'll want grandchildren one day mother, and if you do that you won't have any. Which is right I suppose,.
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