In reality, I had just wanted to see more of her and see how far things could go between us. I was pushing the boundaries too, one time resting my hand just above her knee to see if she’d say anything. I pretended that I mistakenly put it there and apologized, and she blushed as she told me not to worry about it. I started regularly placing my hand on her leg or brushing against her to see if she’d stop me, but she never did.She continued writing about me in her journal as well. I loved reading her dirty comments, especially since she was so prim and proper in real life. One of the postings she wrote said simply – “Mr. Jones has no idea how bad I want to suck his cock. I swear if he just took it out I’d be all over him in seconds.” After reading that, I decided that it was my turn to really tease her. I generally wore slacks and a button-down collared shirt when she was around, but maybe something more revealing of my bulge was in order next time.Before the next session I tried on a. Suicide watch. The whole fucking deal. Zoey was with Beth? They were girlfriends? Probably fucking? THE BITCH!!!! ***** My public defender didn’t like that I offered no explanation of the rape. I didn’t tell him about the teasing. Or the time with she and Jon down at the river. All I said was that my relationship with Beth was consensual. But that was all. Regarding Zoey, I just said, numbly, ‘I did it.’ And he really didn’t like my mental breakdown in the courtroom. I didn’t care. I didn’t care to fight. Fight or flight? I was definitely all about flying at this point. What good would it do? Nobody was going to believe me, anyway. I was nothing but a dirty rapist and that’s all I would ever be. The thing about public defenders was that they were working on five to ten cases at a time. They’re not going to dig. They’re not going to try to defend a rapist. Or murderer. Or what have you. If you don’t volunteer information, they’re just going to assume guilt and go through the motions,.
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