One night he had escorted his girlfriend to her high schoolprom so I was home alone most of the evening. After I hadcompleted my household chores, I took a bubble bath, put onmy favorite black negligee and settled on the couch in theden to watch a little TV. I had thought about a rendezvouslater with my secret lover and wanted to dress for theoccasion. But I got engrossed in a movie and was still upwhen Jon came in. He came in the den, gave me a peck on thelips and went to his room to get out of the tuxedo. I askhim to get me a glass of wine on his way back. He hadgotten close enough to me that I could tell that he hadbeen drinking and also making out with his girl friend andstill had a hard-on. I got a little excited and a littlejealous just thinking about it.He came back dressed in a short terrycloth robe carryingtwo glasses of wine and sat next to me on the couch. I gaveno thought to how I was dressed as he had seen me plenty oftimes in a nightgown and, after all, the only light in. I never stopped wanting your approval, I achedfor your acceptance, but was realistic enough to know that if I didn'thave it as a lesbian things would get even worse when I came out to youabout the man I am.THAT went about like I'd figured. Although I thought with time you mightget used to the idea, and maybe be happy for me. But it doesn't seem likeyou know how to be happy anymore. And not just about me. You used to havefriends. You had interests, didn't constantly complain about everythingand everybody. And you want people to believe that this is somehow all myfault but nobody besides you buys this. They humor you---you've become soshrill---but behind your back they're sad for the person you've become.When I came out as Robert you banished me until I "came to my senses",and when I went in to have my top surgery done and you realized I wasn'tgoing to be guilt-tripped out of it you said it would be better for me todie on the operating table than to disfigure myself like that. And.
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