I asked herhow quickly the changes would happen. She said that they would be verygradual, almost unnoticeable at first, but that after a year or so, Iwould begin to show unmistakeable female physical characteristics.I thought about it for a long time. I enjoyed my boy's life, but I knewthat as Mary, I felt more "appropriate." I felt more like my true"self." I agreed to start on hormones in October. The psychologist wasright about the changes being gradual. Maybe they had me on a lowdosage. I took my pills every day, but I couldn't tell much differenceat first. My penis didn't have the same sensitivity as before. It justsort of hung there like an object, not much bigger than when I was akid, maybe even smaller. It wasn't so much what was happening to mybody as what wasn't happening. I noticed my male friends at schoolgetting bigger and bulkier and getting hair on their arms, legs, andchests. Their voices broke and then got deeper.On the other hand, I seemed to stay the. My phone started ringing, and I felt her hand slip out of my own as Ireached for my bag to retrieve it. I sighed when I saw that Scott wascalling me now, and stood up before stepping away from the table."Hi, Scott," I said."I guess you're with Jane," he replied, recognizing my tone of voice. "I'msorry, Sarah. If it was up to me I would offer her a contract. She's anamazing singer and I hate to see her walk away. But there isn't anything Ican do." Why not her?" I asked. If she was that talented then why wouldn't thetalent managers at Olympic Records give her a contract?"Matt felt she didn't have the 'spark'," he said referring to MattThompson, the Director of Talent at the company. He had been the guy whohad signed me to my record deal, and I knew he was fair. I didn't agreewith him, however. "She might have luck at a smaller record company, butthat might be a long shot. I'm really sorry, Sarah, I know how much youtwo wanted this."I looked over at Jane, who was still crying a few feet.
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