Then, when he felt I was ready, Umberto began taking meout into society. As Umberto Montaperti's partner, I was, of course,immediately given pride of place at the top of the social pecking order.Only once did I feel confounded. I was in the powder room at a veryexpensive and private club, fixing my makeup, when the Swedish "blondebombshell" actress Ingrid Eriksson ? who was in Rome to star in anotherFellini film ? walked in and introduced herself. ?I just wanted to tellyou that we both share the same secret,' she said, ?I also am capable ofpeeing standing up.' I stood there horrified; how had she found out? Sheseemed to read my mind. ?You didn't give yourself away, Angelica, youare perfect. But I am one of those few who have a personal knowledge ofUmberto's tastes. Don't worry,' she said, hugging me, ?in my opinion, wetwo are the luckiest women alive. I hope that you and I will become thebest of friends.'"At this point, Cardinal O'Connor briefly interrupted the story. "Iremember. How often do you do it?’ Adam: ‘Normally at least once a day.’ Julie: ‘Most times in one day?’ Adam: ‘Seven.’ Julie: ‘Must have been a fun day.’ Adam: ‘It got kind of painful, but I wanted to see how many times I could do it.’ Julie: ‘What gets you off?’ Adam: ‘Normally I just use porn.’ Julie: ‘When that’s not an option?’ Adam: ‘Stored memories.’ Julie: ‘So like people you know?’ Adam: ‘Yeah, sometimes I use Facebook pictures of people I know. I love bikini season.: Julie: ‘You ever jerk-off thinking about anyone here?’ Adam: ‘Yes.’ Julie: ‘Alexa?’ Adam: ‘Yes.’ Julie: ‘My sister?’ Adam: ‘Yes.’ Julie: ‘Me?’ Adam: ‘Well, umm, yeah.’ Julie: ‘Do you use Facebook for any of us?’ Adam: ‘You’re the only one with any pictures in a bikini.’ Julie: ‘Wow. That’s pretty perverted Adam.’ Adam: ‘I know, but I’d bet that most guys have used a Facebook picture.’ Julie: ‘You might be right. I think I’m going to take those pictures down when this ends.’ Adam: ‘Why bother? If I make it through this.
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