Two souls on board, one male one female, in jackets. We lost our prop, anchor is failing, going into the dolphins.’ ‘Dress all line.’ Came the response. I knew this meant to let out all of our anchor line. ‘All is dressed, we may need to..(I looked at Kay, her eyes were a haze of fear) abandon ship if we go into the pilings.’ ‘Rescue is dispatched, hold fast.’ Sure, hold fast. The pilings were less than 300 feet now, I knew what would happen when we went into them. The boat could be holed, tip, draw water, then she would roll from the pressure of the current. ‘We are preparing to abandon ship!’ I called. I didn’t wait for a response. Less than 100 feet now, I reached for Kay and got a good grip, waited. The boat rushed towards the piling and logs. I spotted the sharp end of a limb, it was almost like it was reaching out for us as we drifted helpless exactly at it. At the jolt and loud crack of contact I lifted Kay and threw her over the side towards the top of the logs with all my. ... I kind of felt that byenjoying my femininity I was betraying my manliness, whatever amount ofthat I ever really had. I figured that the happiness I felt en femmemeant that I wasn't really a man, so I concluded that I had to be whatsociety thought that men that dress up are.I felt that, despite how much I love the feeling of a woman's clothing onmy skin. The silkiness, the softness, it just can't be topped or rivaledby anything in the men's department. Even though heels are bitch, youknow, I still love the way look on me. The pain is definitely worth it.But as much as I enjoyed dressing up and passing myself off as a womanwhen I was doing it, I found myself immediately ashamed that I had doneso after it. I felt that the desires I had were unnatural and that Ishould be ashamed of myself for embracing them. I guess I've come toterms with it since, but right then I was consumed by self-hatred. Icould feel that loathing the moment the couple pulled out of thedriveway. I knew what I.
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