Every time we started to get close you backed off and shut down, not because you didn't want to be with me, not because you weren't ready, but because deep down you were afraid of what you really wanted. You had these visions and memories of being tied up and forced against your will and some part of you craved it, but you were ashamed of those feelings and afraid that I would be ashamed of you for having them. You were afraid that I wouldn't love you if I found out that some part of you actually took pleasure from what happened to you."She was looking away from me, her eyes pressed hard shut, moisture just beginning to force its way past the lids. I could see the quivering as she started to shake. I gently took her chin in my hand and turned her back to face me. As I did Lizzy wrapped her arms around her and lay her head on the taller girls shoulder. "Angels, there is all the difference in the world between what you want and what happened to you. What he did was rape and torture,. She said, "You will make time for me."She is so good in bed. She is right, I will find time for her, but I don't want Little Doe upset."I would be pleased if you carried my child," he said."That would please me too. I enjoy receiving you. You appreciate a woman," Ruth said.I am surprised she said that. It is very uncharacteristic of a Kiowa woman to compliment a man or say she enjoys sex with him. And she does things with her hands and mouth that Little Doe doesn't do. She really enjoys sex.Little Doe, Little Flower and her two infants, and Ruth and her young daughter stayed the night. He slept with Little Doe and Little Flower.Early the next morning, he got in bed with Ruth.Ruth said, "I have lost my son to you and another woman." He is a man, a warrior now. No one will have real control over him. You lost him to the Kiowa and to Rachael."She took him in her hand and guided him into her."It would be good if you talked to Rachael about ways to please a man."She nodded, "It was rumored.
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