I know you’re disappointed that it hasn’t happened yet. It will. I wish I could tell you my secret though. We don’t keep secrets but I have this one, this awful one: The truth is that I’ve only been pretending to share your frustration at not getting pregnant because telling you might make you think I don’t want to carry your baby. I couldn’t bear that. No, better to keep my own counsel. I really do want babies with you, lots and lots of babies, and I love that time and money aren’t concerns for us. It’s just that I love “us” as we are and I love my body as it is, a body that you ravish constantly and find so desirable. All of that is about to change and I haven’t wrapped my mind and heart around it yet.I reflexively cross my wrists and lift my tank up from the front, as quietly as I can, leaning down to drop it to the floor. This bra doesn’t go with my shirt. It’s an outrageous forest green on black lace but I know you love it. I’ve been wearing this wanton invitation to molest me. “Well, at least this time, you didn’t send a text. I guess that earns you something. I am glad you called.”Ben must have been holding his breath, because I heard him exhale before he replied. “That’s good, Shelby. Thank you. Look, I have the evening free and I was hoping I could see you. We can have dinner, somewhere in public, if you'd prefer.”Oh, hell yes, I wanted to yell, but I bit my tongue while silently pumping my fist as the urge to scream faded. “Um, yeah, Ben, I’d love that. What time and where would you like to meet?”I visualized his smile as I listened to his positively buoyant baritone answer, “Six o’clock, and don’t worry about where. I’ll pick you up.”Oh, my God!“Um, that would be great. How should I dress?”“Let’s make this informal tonight. Why don’t you surprise me?”“Okay. Six o’clock then. Bye, Ben.”I was in shock. The last time I’d met him, it was clearly only for sex and he’d been absolutely rude and callous right up until he took me. This time, when I wanted him.
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