With my purse filled with my life savings in quarters, I sat down and dialed. It was an old fashioned phone with a real dial that you have to spin around, so when the artificially pleasant voice mail system droned on about pressing 1 for lingerie, 2 for leather, 3 for bras and girdles I gave the round dial a dirty look and clobbered that ancient piece of technology with my coin laden purse.Maybe it was dumb luck, or maybe the inner bowels of the phone system took pity on me, but Ma Bell reacted with a symphony of beeps and bloops, and suddenly I was overhearing someone else's conversation, but apparently they couldn't hear me. I swear on a stack of Lane Bryant catalogs that every word that follows is an accurate transcription of that conversation and the absolute truth...SEXY VOICE: ...meet a girl like you. You must look so pretty. What are you wearing?BASHFUL VOICE: A new green satin blouse with a high ruffled neck and a plum flowered skirt, yellow stockings and pink pumps with 5. Ripper, you don’t have enough experience yet. Are we clear on that?”“I’m good with it, Coach,” said Jack.I clapped my brother on the shoulder and said, “Just remember, I’ve taught you everything you know, but I haven’t taught you everything I know!”Everybody, including Coach Summers, groaned at that. Jack had to push it though. “Maybe we should ask Kelly about that! Give her a chance to comparison shop!”On our first scrimmage after that, I called a special audible, and the defensive line hit the dirt and allowed the entire offensive line to pile onto my little brother. He let out a single scream and was buried. I helped him upright afterwards. “You got anything else to say about Kelly?” I asked, grinning. Around us the rest of the team was laughing.“No, I’m good!” he groaned.Now it was game day, and we were on the field facing our sworn enemies. The Pioneer Marching Band played the anthem, we pledged allegiance, and the refs went out to the center of the field. Speed looked over at.
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